Life Unaltered

I just returned from a trip up to nowhere Wisconsin, a place without air-conditioning, radios, T.V.s and locks on the doors. (Actually I lied, there is now a T.V. in the lodge, but honestly, who would use it?)  Days are spent on boats, fishing, riding bikes, running, soaking up the sun on the beautiful beach and being chased by vicious mosquito and monstrous flies.  It is one of my favorite places on Earth, at least that I’ve been to so far.

It’s a nice way to take a step back, back to what I experience growing up, no cell phones, no WiFi everywhere, no texting, no Facebook, nothing. absolutely nothing except outside and family.  I did take advantage of their newly acquired WiFi for one afternoon during a small rain storm.  I walked with my computer up to the lodge and took some time to get work done for a Sexual Assault Seminar I’m planning and to do some work for WAR Chest Boutique.  That’s how I justified entering the modern world for a few hours, because I was doing something positive!

I think we have to take a step back sometimes, detach ourselves from the phones and computers that are now permanently welded to our hands, even during sleep.  We spend so much time attempting to document all of our experiences via social media we often forget to actually embrace and enjoy the event itself.  Enjoy the hours on the boat, freeze that embrace by a loved one, lay in the sunshine and resist the urge to take pictures of your legs….don’t let the world fly by.

While this message is so often told to us, you’ll have to read it again!  Take a day, and drive to no reception.  Just take an adventure, an adventure to a new place, an adventure with a loved one and an adventure of life without technology.  We all got along fine without it before so try it again.  Get in touch with yourself and the world around you, experience it without the influence of anything at all.  If you can’t enjoy the world around with without being affected by something.  Whether it’ss technology or anything else, that is so heartbreaking.  It’s heartbreaking because the world is amazing, why not enjoy it as it is and enjoy people as they are?

I’ll step down from my soap box now.  The vacation itself was amazing, I loved every minute of it! It was so incredibly relaxing and the food there, oh my goodness the food…..it’s so amazing!  I could live off their pancakes. . . and really anything else they served!  On the way home we stopped at House on the Rock, which is just incredible.  The tour itself took 4 hours. . .and we walked quickly!! There is just so much to see.  I’ve been there 2 or 3 times before, but it is just as bizarrely enthralling each time you go!

We finally arrived home last Sunday.  I did some clean up, helped start the laundry and then went out again.  I couldn’t wait to see him.  When I got to his place, he greeted me with this beautiful red rose and an amazing kiss (but let’s be honest, what kiss isn’t amazing from him?).

Happiness seems more and more present in my life.  First of all, I have found a new respect for myself and that’s where everything starts, your love for yourself is the most powerful love you will ever experience.  Also, at this point in my life, I’m going for what I want.  I love my volunteering so much and my family and friends are so incredibly supportive its ridiculous! lol They would do absolutely anything to help me.  Not only that, I’m happy I have a partner in my life who I can start sharing these things with, to an extent.  Maybe eventually, I can bring him in on more things I do.  I cannot wait for future adventures as well!!  I feel completely alive and this summer is going to be the summer of my dreams.

♥ Meggie

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Challenges and Joys

There are just so many things I want to write about, just to get them down, challenges and wonderful times, both equally as important in my life.

My ex emailed me about 2 weeks ago.  I forgot he had my email address to be quite honest.  I blocked him on Facebook, never have my skype up anymore so I thought there was no way he could get in contact with me, but I forgot about email.  It scared me, made me anxious, stressed me out, really impacted me more than I expected.  I reached out immediately to 2 close friends and that temporarily helped.

I responded.  I shouldn’t have, but I did.  I fell right back into that mode, the mode of being a submissive woman, a woman terrified by the outcome of her words for fear of an angry response.  I had a rough weekend after that, he confirmed exceptionally hurtful things, things I already knew, I knew he was looking for women the entire time he was there but the fact that he confirmed it just really hurt.

The following week, I had to get away.  I just needed a break, some time to myself to find myself again, find my strength and tell myself once more he has no control over me and I don’t have to act like this anymore.  I talked to the guy I have been seeing and asked if he wanted to go with me.  I decided to drive up to Wisconsin for the day to the Dells area.  I have been going up there since I was little, it’s my second home.  I don’t stay in the Dells itself, I never do anything there to be quite honest.  I love the hiking and nature and emptiness.  Places like those are where I find myself again.

It was an incredible day.  I think he enjoyed it just as much as I did and I absolutely loved showing him everything. We hiked and climbed rocks, drove, listened to music.  He found this amazing bar to get some food at.  We smiled and laughed.  I found myself again.  All anxiety melted away and I was done with stressing over someone who hurt me.  It was an absolutely incredible day.

It’s so strange, the treatment is so different.  The guy I’m seeing now, he respects me and takes care of me at the same time without making me feel useless.  It’s always these little things, he’s always doing little things for me and I love that so much.  When I spend time with him and I tell friends about it, I can tell them I am happy and actually mean it.  I can tell them he respects me and not lie about it.  I can trust him and I haven’t been able to do that before.  He’s seen me at my worst and at my best in such a short period of time and that hasn’t scared him away yet! lol  I’m moving on in my life which I thought would be hard, but it’s not hard at all when you’re moving on from someone who never respected you or your body.

What I love about being around him the most is that he challenges me.  He constantly introduces me to new experiences and ideas, ways of thinking which I love.  He is unapologetically himself all the time and that is the most attractive thing about him.  I think that’s hard to find in a person at times because we tend to mold ourselves to society and if you’re with a person overly dominant, you mold yourself to what they want.  Nothing stops him, ever.  He is always thinking about the most random ideas, always saying the most interesting things so there’s never a dull moment around him.  Being around him is this wonderfully invigorating experience, simply addictive with his charm and wit.  Anyone he meets would be captivated by his energy and passion for the world around him.

That fact that things are going well between us makes me incredibly happy and I do feel beyond lucky to have him in my life, especially right now when things get hard.  Last night we were watching T.V. together, nothing special but I knew I had to go soon which I always hate.  Just looking at him it was almost like I was in a dream, like how could this possibly be real, as corny as this sounds, he’s so amazing.  I thought my last relationship was one of love and respect when it wasn’t at all, and now I go from that to being treated like a princess. It’s been a long time since I’ve not had to fight for attention or not trust, I feel like I’m in high school around my first crush! haha  Every time I see him I have butterflies, my heart races when he holds my hand or looks at me and give me that cute half-smile of his.

I still don’t know where this is going exactly.  Sometimes I wish I did, sometimes I wish he’d just tell me, look me in my eyes and tell me, but for the most part, I don’t mind the adventure, that’s ok with me.  I adore my time around him in whatever capacity it is.  I always feel safe around him and that’s the most important thing.  I am safe.

So that was my last two weeks in a nutshell.  I feel as though my healing will soon be complete.  I know there will be challenges and bumps along the way, but I know I can get through them, I know I am strong enough and I have an incredible support system if I ever feel too weak to go it alone.

I have not only risen from my ashes, but have found someone who, at least right now, in this moment, can join me on the adventure of my life.

♥ Meggie

Let Nature Be Your City

We always come up for the colors, the fall colors.  Who is we? My family and another family, basically our bestest friend family.  haha.  They really are though, we do everything with them and they ARE my family, blood has nothing to do with it.  Where do we see these colors? Baraboo, Wisconsin, better known to the rest of the world as the Wisconsin Dells.  Yes, the Tommy Bartlet, Water Park infested Wisconsin Dells.  We don’t do much in the Dells except stay there though, in a lovely condo that has fantastic discount rates during the fall color season.

I’ve been coming up here to hike and rock climb and swim since I’ve been little.  It’s really like my second home.  I know the road, maybe not by name, but where they all go and how to get around.  I know where to find those hidden gem preserves that most tourists don’t hear about. I love it here.  Most tourists come for the water parks and miss out on the natural beauty, they replace a city of building for a city of plastic structures with chemical water, instead of sunshine and clear lakes.

We go to Devil’s Lake, which is a must.  Everyone has to go there once. Devil’s Lake is so beautiful around this time of year and I just feel so at peace here.  It gets really crowded, but it is still beautiful.  You can find everything about it online.

Even though it’s just for a weekend we try to do as much as we can.  Horseback riding is so much fun and there are so many places to hike and bird watch.  One of our favorites is Parfrey’s Glen which, a few years ago, was damaged by the floods and the tpath was torn our.  Now, you are supposed to stop at a certain point, but that never happens.  It is just as beautiful without steps, but you just have to be much more careful.  Before the flood damage, winding steps carved out of the moss-covered rocks took you through the gorge and honestly it was like you were walking through a scene from Lord of the Rings.  The green was so green, almost unnatural and so vivid you just wanted to be swallowed up by the softness of its color.  You can see little trout in the shallow stream and the frigid temperature of the water matches how clear it is, you really almost expect it to be that cold.

Anywhere around here, when you pick the right paths, the ones tourists don’t know about or don’t want to attempt, makes it seem like you’re in a movie.  Everything is too colorful and it’s like your brain just can’t even begin to process the beauty so no matter how many times you’ve been here and how many times you’ve seen it, you still just have to stop and stare in the freezing cold while your fingers and toes go numb because, since there are really no words to actually describe what I see, it’s so freaking beautiful.

Even driving, you see the trees and they just make a patchwork quilt of colors, greens, reds, oranges, yellows, all different shades and variations, like the cool kindergartener, you know, the one with the 64 pack of crayons, just dumped them out and took all of those colors and made their own picture.  The only problem is, nothing, no crayon, pencil, marker or picture could ever do justice to the pure, unedited, unadjusted, beauty of the real thing.

People oftentimes miss these things or don’t think of how beautiful they are.  Even that single tree in the middle of Chicago, the one that turns yellow and is probably the only one on the entire city block, that tree is beautiful and you should stop to look at it.  Look at its color and texture and breathe in its smell over the gasoline and just travel to someplace else, one that’s not tainted with man-made noises, let the bird be your car horns, let the sweet air smell be your gasoline, let the falling leaves be the people bumping your shoulder in the street.  Let nature be your city and soak in it’s beauty, a beauty that didn’t have to be built.