My What?

Sometimes people think I’m a lesbian, that’s the response I get most often when people ask me if I’m dating anyone or ask me about a significant other.  Most often, I will refer to my boyfriends as my partner and people tend to question that.  There are a couple reasons why I do this.

First of all, with the work I do (domestic abuse/sexual assault, women’s groups, human trafficking) you’re always trained on how you talk to people.  For example, if you’re talking to a female survivor of domestic abuse, you shouldn’t ask if their boyfriend did it because they might have a girlfriend.  By assuming they have a boyfriend, this could make the survivor withhold aspects of their life important to the situation because they might worry if you will judge them or treat them differently if they define their sexual orientation.  So whenever I talk to anyone, I ask about their partner.

This is also the same reason in a group setting, I talk about my partner rather than my boyfriend, so I can create an environment where everyone feels comfortable sharing and knows that it is an open, judgement free zone.  After I say their name, it is clear I have a boyfriend, but I want to use neutral language to everyone can express every aspect of their life they wish to.

Not only that, but being a straight female, I can openly disclose my orientation without any fear or negative repercussions.  No one is going to discriminate against me or treat me poorly because of who I’m dating.  Others don’t have that privilege.  If someone discloses they are in a same sex relationship they do have that fear and rightfully so.  I hope social environments are changing to become more accepting, after all, love is love, but I know there are still major challenges that arise.

In a way, calling my boyfriend a partner, is now just a habit, but also I don’t think it’s fair that I can disclose my boyfriend but others can’t.  Like I said, most of the time when I say that, people assume I’m a lesbian and I get strange looks until I say my partners name and that’s ok.  If people want to assume thing about me, that is their choice.  It doesn’t affect me one bit. 🙂

I do discuss this with my parnter.  I haven’t had many boyfriends at all, but none have been opposed to it after I explain my reasoning, but I always want to be considerate.  At times, I think people assume you are lessening the relationship, demoting it from boyfriend to partner and I have to explain that’s not the case at all.

I wanted to share this because of how many questions I get regarding this aspect of my life. 🙂

Next week I have some very exciting news to share!

I’ve also been working on planning a few events, one in July which I’m very excited about.  Hopefully those will start to fall into place and will be successful. 🙂

♥ Meggie

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The Color Run!

This weekend was a blast!  My best friend Kristiii wanted to do this 5k called the Color Run.  As you run, they have color stations set up where they spray you with colored corn starch.  There is music and events before the race and after.

Two of her friends, who I’ve gotten to know as well, came in from Indiana to join us so it was a busy weekend.  Friday we were out, Saturday they came to visit the bird rescue with me, Sunday was the race and one of our friends adopted a little yellow parakeet after!

We get to the race early, wander around, listening to the music, anxious for it to start.  Finally, they say we can head toward the starting line so we join the massive crowd of white shirts.  People really went all out, there were colorful tutus, boas, bright hair and a unicorn wandering about.

The course was simple, the stations with color were easily seen by the clouds of dust spilling out over the city (they brought 20,000 lbs).  Running through the stations, volunteers, completely coated in their assigned color, tossed, sprayed and covered the runners.

After we finished, we all were given packets of color and we headed toward the stage to listen to music.  Every so often they’d prep the crowd, throw out more color packets and at the same moment everyone would open them and spill them over the crowed and we’d all be engulfed in a mass of dust and bodies.

By the time we left, we were like Pig Pen from Charlie Brown.  Our own personal dust cloud followed us where ever we went.  Before leaving, we headed over to the blowing station where we were partially cleaned with a leaf blower.

With our skin still stained blue and green, we walked back to the parking garage.  It took us forever to find out how to get back inside and once we did that, we discovered the car died.  The inside lights had been left on.

An hour later we were on our way after jumping the car.  Then off to the bird rescue.  We walked in.   3 of my relative were there and they got a kick out of seeing all of us.

I was so tired afterward, I fell right asleep after lunch.

It was such a fun day and I am so glad can’t wait to do this again next year!

♥Meggieleg

The List

More and more lately I’ve been thinking about what it means to be in a relationship, which is why I decided to write this blog to solidify and sort out my ideas.  I have been working through my own experiences and I’ve talked to people who long to be in a relationship but have a list of criteria  and others who enjoy their simplistic partnership.

I’ve never had a list of criteria, I’ve never had a type, I’ve never really thought that much about it to be honest, but now I’m considering my list, what I want my partner to be like.

In a partnership, I think there should be changes made by each person because whether you are married or best friends, in any personal relationship there will always be little annoyances or problems that have to be worked through.  Nothing huge or extensive, just little things and that’s ok.   If both people were identical, that would be pretty boring. . .As long as there is communication, it’s totally fine.  Both partners should feel completely comfortable talking about anything to each other, that is something I cherish and value.

There is a problem if you have to sacrifice too much of yourself, change who you are to suit that person, which I have experienced in the past and I won’t relinquish any part of myself for any future partner again.

As I was walking through my list, I thought about what people typically first mention, physical attributes. . . . I couldn’t think of any.  Of course there are physical attributes I’m more attracted to, I love green eyes, tall, in shape, dark hair, but eye color wouldn’t make me not want to date someone, height doesn’t make a man, race is unimportant, hair color is just as moot as eye color.  Really I have no list of physical traits, I could care less about what a person looks like because I know if I click with them, then I will be physically attracted to them so why waste type putting myself in a box with a physical definition of a man when their personality is what truly matters?

The next on most lists is what is their job.  Really, as long as they are employed and motivated that’s all that’s important.  There has to be a responsibility for bills that is necessary and a hope for a financially stable position in life.  Having a lot of money isn’t important, it is how responsibly you manage your money, I guess that’s a good way to describe it.

The most important thing on my list for a partner is to be respectful.

1. They must respect themselves, find value in themselves.  I think it could be very negative being with someone who doesn’t love themselves.  Not only will they not be able to give the care you need, but when someone has confidence in themselves, that is a very attractive quality.  They know they are a wonderful creation, a beautiful miracle on this planet.

2. They must respect other.  If I’m with someone who can’t value others, that speaks volumes about their character and I don’t think any more needs to be explained on this particular topic.

3. They must respect me.  I want to be cared for as much as I care for them, I would have a desire for them to be as excited as I am.  Since rediscovering myself and my self worth, I know I won’t settle, I know I won’t find myself in a bad situation again.  I will be exceptionally proud of my partner, I will be with someone who is interesting and charming, responsible and respectful, someone who can take care of me but accept me as the independent woman I am and someone who can communicate with me about anything, even if it’s something about me that is a bit annoying. 🙂

I will be elated they are by my side in life and show them off!  I know that might sound like a weird statement, show them off, but at this point in my life I feel even more secure in who I am as a woman.  When I find a partner, I know it will be a positive choice in my life, they will be an incredible person who I will be more than happy to show to the world.  I am exceptionally demonstrative in any relationship, whether it is friend, family or dating because I’m like an excitable puppy!  I love people who I chose to be around and are excited to share my love of them to whoever I meet.  I can’t help it! 🙂

So that is my list.  My list and my promise to myself to never lose myself and find someone who will value me as I value them.

♥ Meggie

My Body

For the longest time I was neglecting my body.  During the past few years of my life, I had thrown myself into my work extensively seeing as that was my only social outings since I feared an angry consequence if I went out for any other reason.  I was exhausted, eating poorly and really not happy because of the way I felt.

I have finally started getting back into a workout routine.  My best friend Kristiii wanted to run a 5k so that was my challenge.  I began to run and bike again as well as throw in some strength training.  My goal was to not be completely exhausted while running, I wanted to comfortably run a 5k, no matter the time.

Of course I’m liking the results.  I like the way my body is changed, the muscle definition, lost inches around my waist, but over all I love being in shape.  I love how I am feeling better, happier, healthier.   I enjoy the ability to run for 30 minutes.  Now I can say it’s easy and slowly push up the pace on the treadmill.  I love being able to ride 38 or 50 miles on my bike and only feel slightly tired, not at the brink of death.  It’s fun for me to push my body (in a healthy way) and accomplish new goals!

I also work out to relieve stress.  I am an exceptionally high strung, anxious person.  I’ve met a variety of people who deal with their stressed in so many ways, from having a few drinks with dinner to reading books.   Working out for me is a safe way  I can release all of my energy and afterward, I feel so accomplished!! I succeeded at something that was challenging at one point in my life and now is not.  Not only is my stress gone, but I also have something that I can feel proud about.

I am constantly setting new goals for myself to accomplish and I am having a blast!  Right now, I’m working on running a 5k (3.2 miles) in a half hour.  I’m pretty close too!!  I just ran 2.8 yesterday, so I’ll get there eventually!

I truly feel wonderful, invigorated, empowered, successful!!  This is just a continuation of the positive things happening in my life and I cannot wait to see what happens next.

What are some ways you relieve stress??

♥ Meggie

Challenges and Joys

There are just so many things I want to write about, just to get them down, challenges and wonderful times, both equally as important in my life.

My ex emailed me about 2 weeks ago.  I forgot he had my email address to be quite honest.  I blocked him on Facebook, never have my skype up anymore so I thought there was no way he could get in contact with me, but I forgot about email.  It scared me, made me anxious, stressed me out, really impacted me more than I expected.  I reached out immediately to 2 close friends and that temporarily helped.

I responded.  I shouldn’t have, but I did.  I fell right back into that mode, the mode of being a submissive woman, a woman terrified by the outcome of her words for fear of an angry response.  I had a rough weekend after that, he confirmed exceptionally hurtful things, things I already knew, I knew he was looking for women the entire time he was there but the fact that he confirmed it just really hurt.

The following week, I had to get away.  I just needed a break, some time to myself to find myself again, find my strength and tell myself once more he has no control over me and I don’t have to act like this anymore.  I talked to the guy I have been seeing and asked if he wanted to go with me.  I decided to drive up to Wisconsin for the day to the Dells area.  I have been going up there since I was little, it’s my second home.  I don’t stay in the Dells itself, I never do anything there to be quite honest.  I love the hiking and nature and emptiness.  Places like those are where I find myself again.

It was an incredible day.  I think he enjoyed it just as much as I did and I absolutely loved showing him everything. We hiked and climbed rocks, drove, listened to music.  He found this amazing bar to get some food at.  We smiled and laughed.  I found myself again.  All anxiety melted away and I was done with stressing over someone who hurt me.  It was an absolutely incredible day.

It’s so strange, the treatment is so different.  The guy I’m seeing now, he respects me and takes care of me at the same time without making me feel useless.  It’s always these little things, he’s always doing little things for me and I love that so much.  When I spend time with him and I tell friends about it, I can tell them I am happy and actually mean it.  I can tell them he respects me and not lie about it.  I can trust him and I haven’t been able to do that before.  He’s seen me at my worst and at my best in such a short period of time and that hasn’t scared him away yet! lol  I’m moving on in my life which I thought would be hard, but it’s not hard at all when you’re moving on from someone who never respected you or your body.

What I love about being around him the most is that he challenges me.  He constantly introduces me to new experiences and ideas, ways of thinking which I love.  He is unapologetically himself all the time and that is the most attractive thing about him.  I think that’s hard to find in a person at times because we tend to mold ourselves to society and if you’re with a person overly dominant, you mold yourself to what they want.  Nothing stops him, ever.  He is always thinking about the most random ideas, always saying the most interesting things so there’s never a dull moment around him.  Being around him is this wonderfully invigorating experience, simply addictive with his charm and wit.  Anyone he meets would be captivated by his energy and passion for the world around him.

That fact that things are going well between us makes me incredibly happy and I do feel beyond lucky to have him in my life, especially right now when things get hard.  Last night we were watching T.V. together, nothing special but I knew I had to go soon which I always hate.  Just looking at him it was almost like I was in a dream, like how could this possibly be real, as corny as this sounds, he’s so amazing.  I thought my last relationship was one of love and respect when it wasn’t at all, and now I go from that to being treated like a princess. It’s been a long time since I’ve not had to fight for attention or not trust, I feel like I’m in high school around my first crush! haha  Every time I see him I have butterflies, my heart races when he holds my hand or looks at me and give me that cute half-smile of his.

I still don’t know where this is going exactly.  Sometimes I wish I did, sometimes I wish he’d just tell me, look me in my eyes and tell me, but for the most part, I don’t mind the adventure, that’s ok with me.  I adore my time around him in whatever capacity it is.  I always feel safe around him and that’s the most important thing.  I am safe.

So that was my last two weeks in a nutshell.  I feel as though my healing will soon be complete.  I know there will be challenges and bumps along the way, but I know I can get through them, I know I am strong enough and I have an incredible support system if I ever feel too weak to go it alone.

I have not only risen from my ashes, but have found someone who, at least right now, in this moment, can join me on the adventure of my life.

♥ Meggie

Rescue

I was so ready to leave work yesterday.  It was so slow.  I had a plan for when I got home.  First was to take a nap seeing as how I was out so late the night before, then finish some cleaning, dinner, catch up on Supernatural, nothing too exciting but that was ok with me.

I was talking to Mom in the kitchen when I see my phone light up and I have 2 missed calls, both from my best friend.  Something was up, she never calls.  So I listen to one of the voice mails and I don’t even get through the first sentence which was “Hi Meggie, I picked up a …”  I got too excited.  I knew she picked up some animal!  I deleted the message and called her right away.

It turns out she was driving down a busy main road in town when she saw a Robin flopping and flapping around on the street.  Sitting in the left turn lane, she kept checking her mirror and looking at it until she decided to put her car in park and as she explained it “I ran out into the road with tissues like a crazy hippie lady and picked up the bird and put it in my car!”

Then she called me to see where she could take it.  I got a box ready, cut holes in the side and put a shirt and towel in it.  The wildlife center was closed so she was going to have to keep it over night and take it in the morning.

She got to my house and the bird was on the floor on the passenger side of the car.  She thought its neck might have been broken and that’s what it looked like.  I picked it up in the towel and it was flapping around a bit and shaking.  We laid it in the box and tried to decide what to do next.  I was going to stop at a store to find an eye dropper to give it some water since it wasn’t in any condition to get up to drink from a bowl.

Unfortunately after a few minutes, the little bird stopped flapping, stopped shaking and just laid there, its eye started to close.  I touched it with my finger and felt nothing, he didn’t make it, but at least she tried to save it!

This is why we’re such good friends.  At times, we’re very different at times, but at the core we’re the same. She is the only person I know who is crazy enough to run into the street to pick up an injured bird and this is why I simply adore her.

One crazy, wild heart is perfectly suited for another crazy, wild heart.  that is just the perfect recipe for best friends.

♥ Meggie

Going For It

As of late, I’ve been contemplating a second job, just to make a bit more money.  I already make over minimum wage, but with student loans and the fact I’m finished with college and still living at home looming over my head, some extra income would be nice.

Yesterday, one of the places I do some volunteer work for, WAR Chest Boutique, posted on Facebook there as a part time job offering.  I didn’t think about it, I didn’t ask anyone’s opinion, I simply updated my resume and sent it in!  The part time hours would work with my current work schedule and what better place to find a second job than a place I love being doing the work I love to do?

In my life, I’m very impulsive about certain things, I’ll act without thinking a lot of the time.  However, typically with jobs or finances or anything significant to my future, I think them through, ask people’s opinion, never making a quick decision.

Yesterday I just acted and it felt great!  It’s an empowering feeling to just go for something you want and try.  What’s the worst that can happen??  I don’t get the job and nothing changes in my life and I keep volunteering.  The best that could happen would be I get the job, which would be incredible!

Whatever happens I know I didn’t miss an opportunity and I tried.  I went for something and that is an accomplishment in itself.  Getting past those feelings of worry and self doubt.  It’s time I told myself I can do this!  I am so anxious/nervous/excited right now I can barely sit still.  I can’t wait to hear if I got the position! 🙂

I encourage everyone reading this today, try something out of your box.  Go after a dream, do something that will make you feel good even if you’re a bit nervous thinking about it.  Push yourself.  So many times we just go through life on autopilot, just doing our routine as the world flies by.  Take advantage of every opportunity that comes to you, it was put there for a reason.

Send any positive thoughts my way!  Hopefully by June, I’ll have a second job!

♥ Meggie