So I had my first young person’s experience last night, at 23 years old and today I am experiencing my very first hang over.
My relationship with alcohol has been a very simple one, I don’t drink a lot. The majority of the times I’m the designated driver, but even when I didn’t drive I might have 2 only if we’d be in one place for hours and hours. I’ve been tipsy once, that’s it.
Last night, I wasn’t driving and I was with someone I felt safe with so I decided to just relax and let go. It was definitely a strange feeling that I’m really not sure how to even begin to put it into words. Since my tolerance is so incredible low, it didn’t take a lot to put me into any state different than the state I entered the bar. It was fun for a bit, the drinks were very sweet so of course my night ended with me being terribly embarrassed and getting sick. Also, I’m pretty sure my body hates me because this morning I woke with a terrible headache, maybe it will forgive me by this afternoon.
While I have no desire to repeat this event ever again, I do have to say it was nice just to let go, just to not care. I knew I was with someone safe, I wasn’t driving so I wasn’t putting anyone else in harm’s way and I finally got to have a night of doing something stupid.
Throughout my entire life I have always been the responsible one, I constantly need to be in control of the situation, I can be uptight and I worry to no end. When I was in Elementary School I used to wake up crying in 2nd grade about how I’d never get into a college, that’s just one example of how much pressure I put on myself to be perfect, to be flawless 100%.
Last night I just let go, I acted my age and just did something stupid. Not only that, I relinquished my control, which is exceptionally hard for me to do and I relinquished that control to a man which is something I’ve never done.
While of course I’m not encouraging anyone to get drunk and I do implore those who do make that decision to be in a safe environment, please don’t drive, know your limits and be careful. For me, this was just a moment in life, a change in my life where I decided to step out of my box in a safe, supporting environment. I was able to trust, and trust a man which was very difficult to do. Though I feel horrible now, I’m glad that happened last night.