Learning to Trust

So I had my first young person’s experience last night, at 23 years old and today I am experiencing my very first hang over. 

My relationship with alcohol has been a very simple one, I don’t drink a lot.  The majority of the times I’m the designated driver, but even when I didn’t drive I might have 2 only if we’d be in one place for hours and hours.  I’ve been tipsy once, that’s it.

Last night, I wasn’t driving and I was with someone I felt safe with so I decided to just relax and let go.  It was definitely a strange feeling that I’m really not sure how to even begin to put it into words.  Since my tolerance is so incredible low, it didn’t take a lot to put me into any state different than the state I entered the bar.  It was fun for a bit, the drinks were very sweet so of course my night ended with me being terribly embarrassed and getting sick.  Also, I’m pretty sure my body hates me because this morning I woke with a terrible headache, maybe it will forgive me by this afternoon.

While I have no desire to repeat this event ever again, I do have to say it was nice just to let go, just to not care.  I knew I was with someone safe, I wasn’t driving so I wasn’t putting anyone else in harm’s way and I finally got to have a night of doing something stupid. 

Throughout my entire life I have always been the responsible one, I constantly need to be in control of the situation, I can be uptight and I worry to no end.  When I was in Elementary School I used to wake up crying in 2nd grade about how I’d never get into a college, that’s just one example of how much pressure I put on myself to be perfect, to be flawless 100%. 

Last night I just let go, I acted my age and just did something stupid.  Not only that, I relinquished my control, which is exceptionally  hard for me to do and I relinquished that control to a man which is something I’ve never done.

While of course I’m not encouraging anyone to get drunk and I do implore those who do make that decision to be in a safe environment, please don’t drive, know your limits and be careful.  For me, this was just a moment in life, a change in my life where I decided to step out of my box in a safe, supporting environment.  I was able to trust, and trust a man which was very difficult to do.  Though I feel horrible now, I’m glad that happened last night.

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2 thoughts on “Learning to Trust

  1. And congratulations! You were smart about it and that’s the way it should be. Of course I’m not advocating getting drunk but I kind of feel that everyone needs to at least once so you know what it feels like. The sad truth is that it will probably happen again when you least expect it but as long as you aren’t putting yourself in a dangerous situation, your body will survive!
    xo
    styleontheside.com

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