First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR and day 1 of 2013! I hope this year brings you all joy and happiness!
On Sunday, I saw I had 2 missed called so I call the number back, but it says it’s not available. I get another call from this same number so I pick it up and was going to be so mad if it was a sales call! I hate getting those on my cell phone and a voice answers my grumpy hello. Then I ask who is this because it seemed like the person on the other end knew who I was! I don’t know anyone from a 566 area code, I have no idea who’s calling me and wasting my time with a sales pitch!
Then the voice says “You know who it is you dork!” and I just stopped and asked who it is again, I thought I knew but I had to make sure. The next thing that was said made me freeze, it was my boyfriend. It has been one month and a day since he was deported and I hadn’t heard him since then.
I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to feel, I was just blank and I had no idea what to say, this was such a surprise! I just kept saying hello like there was something wrong with me, that’s all my brain could think of to say, that and Oh My God. I have a thousand things I want to tell him everyday and I thought of everything and all I could say was hello.
Then out of nowhere I started crying because I was so happy, I was still so surprised and overwhelmed by everything, it’s like I didnt’ even know I was crying at first. He laughed and we talked for a bit, he said everyone drive motorcycles and he was saving up for one and I said no you are not because they’re too dangerous. He doesn’t even wear a seatbelt, I can’t expect him to wear a helmet!
I get so worried sometimes because he doesn’t have the same thinking as I do, I look at long-term effects like I don’t smoke because it could cause cancer down the road and other severe health problems, I wear a seatbelt because a driver could hit me or I could make a mistake and cause an accident, I always am looking at possible outcomes to be as safe as I can and keep myself in good health and he just goes and does things without thinking of the possible negative outcomes and it absolutely drives me nuts. I worry a lot about everything, but so much about him since I love him and he knows all of my nagging is in love. I think it does annoy him sometimes, but I think he likes it too in a way, because someone is actually taking the time to argue with him about something that could keep him safe and healthy because they care. I nagged him about the fireworks too, I don’t want him blowing his hand off, he’s a barber, he needs his hands, and I nagged him about eating less fried food because I don’t want him having a heart attack and he laughed, I really do think part of him likes that I worry this much about him.
He told me more about Mexico and it was so nice to just hear his voice and it made me so happy. He asked me how I was and normally I have a million things to tell him and talk to him about, but I couldn’t think of one. The only thing I was thinking about was how happy I was to hear his voice.
When I first started dating him, you could see the life he had, you could see the anger and coldness and how closed off he was to everyone. He had friends, a lot of friends, but you could see in his eyes that he had a hard childhood, a hard life. Just from looking in his eyes I could see all the potential he had and how that was not put to use because no one told him that, no one was strict enough or pushed him enough when he was a kid to pursue an education or anything positive, you could even hear it in his voice, but his eyes, I’ve seen that look in other people and it makes me want to cry thinking about it, when people grow up in families like that, with friends like that. Some people you can tell, they will never change, they will never amount to anything, they will never have that switch go off and say I can’t keep living like this. Unfortunately that is life and some people can’t be helped and that’s what I’ve had to learn, especially with what I want my career to be. In others however, that switch can click and that’s also what I saw in him, which is why I stayed because I knew he could become a better man, one that could eventually provide for a family and mature.
Now he’s different, he’s changed so much and I’m so proud of him. His eyes are so much softer now, that coldness is gone, that wall he put up to protect himself from all of the hurt he grew up with, whether he admits it or not, is starting to come down. He laughs more, he laughs more freely, he smiles more, at everything. He makes really really stupid jokes but laughs anyway making me laugh and he quotes shows he watches like The Simpsons which I don’t watch so I have no idea what in the world he’s talking about and smiles and laughs. He seems happy, really, truly happy, less angry, less distant, you can hear it in his voice. I love his laugh. I love his smile. He has the most beautiful eyes.
I was so happy to get that call from him, to hear his voice. I really can’t wait to see him again and see where our life takes us.